Breaking the Crust

I can not believe that I have not posted in more than a month! I do not have a perfectly crafted post though I do have a whole bunch of ideas. I thought I should at least put something out there to crack the crust on my writing.

So Happy New Year. Let`s make it the best one yet!

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How's it goin' eh?

I had a really great time in Vancouver. We visited Sophie’s orthopedic surgeon to see if she urgently needs surgery to straighten out her legs (the femurs are twisted from all of the years of tight muscles, from CP, pulling on them as they develop. Good news is she does not need to have the surgery immediately and if she never wants to have it she doesn’t need to. The only real pressing need for the surgery is if she wanted to have her legs appear straighter for aesthetic reasons. She will not be creating permanent damage to her knees or hips if she does not have her legs “fixed”. Huge load off my mind.

My eating was about 85% good while we were away, which I consider very good. I actually went for a run, which involved a stair workout, and went to the hotel gym. I never would have done this in the past, uh uh, no way. I would have used the trip as an excuse to be lazy. Things have changed.

When we got back I had a very tough time, due to fatigue, hormones,  bleh weather, and a couple of busy days at work. It is amazing how just 24 hours or less can make you feel like the sky is falling. With my new resilience I was able to turn my mood/state around and be a good planner, eater and exerciser.

I totally love, love, love spinning. I get such a good workout, I sweat, I feel challenged but empowered at the same time. There is no comparison to riding a stationary bike on your own.

My current goal is to be in the 160’s by Christmas. I had an excellent week from Tuesday on and had a couple of glasses of wine last night as well as some appies at a party. I am fine with the deviation because it is not going to be the beginning of a trend but just a fun night out. Back to the regularly scheduled program.

Tattoos here I come.

Comments (2) »

How’s it goin’ eh?

I had a really great time in Vancouver. We visited Sophie’s orthopedic surgeon to see if she urgently needs surgery to straighten out her legs (the femurs are twisted from all of the years of tight muscles, from CP, pulling on them as they develop. Good news is she does not need to have the surgery immediately and if she never wants to have it she doesn’t need to. The only real pressing need for the surgery is if she wanted to have her legs appear straighter for aesthetic reasons. She will not be creating permanent damage to her knees or hips if she does not have her legs “fixed”. Huge load off my mind.

My eating was about 85% good while we were away, which I consider very good. I actually went for a run, which involved a stair workout, and went to the hotel gym. I never would have done this in the past, uh uh, no way. I would have used the trip as an excuse to be lazy. Things have changed.

When we got back I had a very tough time, due to fatigue, hormones,  bleh weather, and a couple of busy days at work. It is amazing how just 24 hours or less can make you feel like the sky is falling. With my new resilience I was able to turn my mood/state around and be a good planner, eater and exerciser.

I totally love, love, love spinning. I get such a good workout, I sweat, I feel challenged but empowered at the same time. There is no comparison to riding a stationary bike on your own.

My current goal is to be in the 160’s by Christmas. I had an excellent week from Tuesday on and had a couple of glasses of wine last night as well as some appies at a party. I am fine with the deviation because it is not going to be the beginning of a trend but just a fun night out. Back to the regularly scheduled program.

Tattoos here I come.

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What went wrong and how I and how I am going to fix it.

releasing a bird

I had considered just sitting down and writing out my feelings in a journal but then I thought there might be a helpful blog post in the middle of all of my angsting.

Last week I was 177 lbs and hanging on by my fingernails and then a series of unfortunate events happened and I went on a bit of a bender. I will lay them out for you and myself so I might learn, forgive and move on.

Too much work: I worked my normal amount of shifts plus a couple of early morning short shifts and I switched a couple so the compliment of days made it seem like I was constantly at work. I even scheduled myself so that I worked until 11 pm one night and then had to be at work the next morning at 6 am. Not recommended. I only had to work for three hours that morning mind you, but I am really starting to accept that fatigue is a huge influence in my weight loss/gain.

Giving in to temptation: At work while I was tired I decide it wouldn’t be so bad if I had a cranberry bliss  bar, well that set off a cascade of poor eating choices. It is almost like I have tunnel vision and I can only see the object of my desire and I will not rest until it is consumed therefore it can not longer be mocking me, tempting me. I need to accept that I do have a problem with moderation. If I start with a single treat I usually can not stop I end up spiraling downward. I know so dramatic but it is true. Most likely similar to all other addictions, craving the immediate rush from the object of your affection, be it alcohol, gambling, or food.

The flu shots: I know this might sound like a cop-out but I seriously felt awful after the shots. For the first two days it was just sore arms and a bit of a headache.  As time went on I developed chest pain and a racing heart, very sore joints, fatigue. The heart rate was most disturbing, I could actually feel my pulse bounding through my whole body and it was giving me a horrible anxious feeling. To be fair to the flu shots, Mark was feeling similarly and he didn’t have the flu shots so perhaps we both had a different flu going through us.

Halloween candy: For the first 3 days I didn’t touch the stuff. Then I started feeling really tired (see first excuse) and needed a bit of a pick me up. So I had a couple and then you know what happened (see excuse # 2). Moderation is not really something I am good at. Kind of an all or nothing kind of girl. Working on it.

Gloomy weather: I find that I am very affected by the grey sky, it intensifies my poor mood, makes me more tired, I tend to seek out simple carbs to elevate my mood.

Lack of quality sleep: With all of the strange shift work and my innate desire to stay up late (it is my time for me) I believe that I have not been getting a enough quality sleep and that is throwing off my hormone level and surely causing me to crave things that elevate my alertness and mood.

Indecision: I have a few ideas that I am working on in my mind and some I have control over and some I do not. I find went I am unable to control a situation I seek out something to control and that is usually food. I can quickly choose something, prepare it and then eat it. Oh and it has the side effect of temporarily elevating my mood with the simple carb content. Then there will be the inevitable crash and subsequent need for more simple carb fuel,sending me in to a tailspin.

Lack of success this past 8 weeks: I set a lofty goal of being finished my weight loss by Nov 9th. I was fairly doable but I have found it so hard to budge these last 17 or so lbs. I feel like I may have wasted the money I put in to the last 8 weeks, and with that comes guilt…Guilt breeds self-destruction. Enter bender.

What can I do starting today

  1. Control my work life a bit better. This is tough because I am always seeking a new challenge and I have never had trouble finding work. Balance needs to be attained.
  2. Realize my limits when it comes to treats. I really can not have just one.
  3. Not much to do about the flu shot/ mystery flu, but to accept that I was not feeling well and that it was okay to rest and get better. This feeling will not persist
  4. Put the Halloween candy out of eyesight. Done…put in sealed containers in the pantry. Out of sight out of mouth.
  5. Can’t control the weather but it is sunny right now and I will take advantage of it and take the doggies for a big walk.
  6. Sleep… I have been better the last couple of days, I refrained from too much TV last night and chose to go to bed at a decent time and read for a few minutes.
  7. Re: Decisions, If I have learned anything in my lifetime is that I should not rush in to decisions that I am not totally convinced of. Leaky condo is big reminder of not rushing in to buying something if you are not sure. That being said sometimes risky decisions are the ones that pay off the most. This topic still needs some work.
  8. Re:Failure/Lack of success and wasted money. Let it go and move on. This is something I often tel my kids. Let it go and move on. If I let the guilt and anxiety about wasted money weigh me down the whole process could become invalid. MOVE ON.

I am going to go to my meeting at the U weight loss clinic (I have been avoiding their calls) and make a plan for how they can help me succeed.

XOXO

Betty

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Swirling ideas

rays of sunshine

My future is so bright...

I have a tonne of ideas swirling around in my head right now. All good things. As my last post indicates I need to find some focus. I do tend to overwhelm myself with projects, jobs, and new ideas. I don’t like to miss out on things and I think that can be to my detriment sometimes and to my advantage as well.

Some people might think I am crazy to have a family, full-time job, 2 casual jobs, write a blog, losing weight, trying to be a bit of an athlete, and an affectionate wife (no snickering Mark). I do have a natural tendency towards the lazy so I suppose I tend to over do it a bit in an attempt to override that tendency.

I am reading Jillian Michaels’ Master your Metabolism book right now (thanks Andrea)  and it really jives with the learning and supplements at U weight loss.I really ought to start getting a commission from Jillian, at least 4 or 5 people I know have bought her video now. Oh well good for her she must be putting out the right vibes to generate such wonderful success. Once I am finished losing the weight forever, I truly believe that I will have a better understanding of my body and how to better maintain it at a healthy weight.

I have found that when the time is right things just fall in to place for me. When I push things too hard and try to force outcomes, I always fall flat and end up seriously disappointed. I am struggling with the fact that I really want to get a website up and running that incorporates all of the things I talk about in the blog and a few more as well. It seems like a big undertaking but I believe that it is my calling and I am meant to provide a service to others trying to find their way to health and happiness. So I am putting it out there universe, let me know when the time is right and send a web designer to my door step.

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Finding focus…

 

Becky 10k start

My first 10k

 

 

I have been getting a bit worked up trying to meet a certain deadline with my weight loss.  I have decided to just chill and stop being so fixated. Just do what has been working well so far, enjoy the process and love the outcome.

The Law of Attraction is something I fervently believe in. So the more I fixate on not losing weight, the less weight will come off. Does that make sense?

I have been listening to  Bob Proctor, I downloaded his audio book It’s not about the money. It is a great book about a personal journey towards wealth, but it also talks about the laws of attraction, confidence, belief in what you want to do with your life.

I have become reinvigorated on my walks with the dogs. It feels like I have come full circle. I began my weight loss journey by walking along the channel with the dogs. I went for a walk today and just powered through the walk I used to get tired doing, and even went further to boot. It is super cold and windy but I find the walk so calming and enjoyable.

Since I started exercising I have progressed from walking short distances, to walking further and faster, to Nordic Walking, and then to running, which morphed in to triathlon. The sky is the limit now…What should I do next? There is a small kernel that is nagging at me like a tiny rock in your shoe on a long run. The kernel is a large triathlon that happens to take place in Penticton. I am not promising anything but I am starting the process by taking a spinning class with Triathlon coaches. I really need to work on swimming but one thing at a time.

This post might have become a little unfocused along the way but oh well. This is my forum.

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So close I can almost taste it…

ice cream

I have been really getting aggravated by being stuck in the high 170″s. I have been eating extremely well for 85-90% of the time and exercising like a freak. What is going on? Perhaps I need to give the food plan 110% attention. I wonder if I have not been eating enough at some times and my body is hanging on to fat because it is worried about starving, and then I get tired from working stupid hours and exercising alot…which makes me crave carbs big time.

A large part of my weight loss journey is learning why I gain weight. I have identified some key components. Stress, Chaos, Fatigue, Boredom, Hunger, Anger (I am going to show you…I will eat and make my self fat and that’ll fix you, hmmm).

I do feel that I have some really good skills and habits now to deal with life as it comes. I do hope that once I am finished losing I will be able to modulate my eating and exercise to maintain an ideal balance. Perhaps it looks something like this…Go for a 3 hour bike ride and then enjoy a yummy peanut butter/chocolate ice cream waffle cone.

We are going to go to indoor spinning classes this fall at Team Impact Multisport Mark and I went for some “testing” before the classes start. It was a really interesting experience. You have your bike set up on a trainer (so you can ride your bike inside), the coach gets you to warm up and then starts asking you what your perceive effort is as he continually increases the tension on the trainer, every 5 min or so they poke your finger to take a blood sample to test for lactate.

See betty get her lactate tested

See betty get her lactate tested

I wasn’t sure how I was going to do at first because my legs were burning in the warm up. As I got warmer I felt a lot better and was able to maintain a good cadence. I think I might have surprised the coach due to my lack of cycling experience and that I am not yet in optimal condition. I was able to take it to my max and get my heart rate up to 174 bpm and complete the time in my max zone he requested of me.  The coach was a very encouraging  fellow named Olly Piggen I think I am going to dig these classes.

The last 18 lbs should just melt off and if they don’t I don’t know what will work? I still can believe I only have 18 lbs to go. I have been looking at 80 + lbs to lose for so many years I can’t believe that I am almost there. What will life be like when I am not the chubbiest girls in the room always? Guess what I am now? I am an athlete. I like that label better.

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